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Modern Day Dayeinus

By  ISJL Education Fellow Kesler Friedman

​Every year we retell the Passover Story. We dip our fingers in our wine for each plague, we eat constipation-inducing matzah for a week, and we eat bitter herbs dipped in salt water. All this to simulate our enslavement in Egypt. It’s a nice sentiment to relive one of the hardest parts of the Israelite’s history. But I rarely feel connected to my ancestors during the week of Passover. Do the kosher-for-Passover meals really remind us of our hardship? Mmmm… no. Does the matzah- toffee for dessert and matzah-brie for breakfast do anything other than plug me up? Not really.
 
If you want some content that might be more relatable, or just want to get some chuckles around the Seder table, look below for modern-day plagues and “deyinus.”
 
DAYEINU
If God had made cheese and not mac & cheese.
DAYEINU
If God had made internet and not created an internet box that we could put in our pockets (smart phones).
DAYEINU
If God had created the “everything bagel” and not created everything “but the bagel” seasoning! (Fewer calories, same flavor!)
DAYEINU
If God had created the butter of vegetables, avocado, and not put it on fancy toast.
DAYEINU
If first God had given us TV and did not give us DVR, but THEN God had given Netflix.
DAYEINU
If God had given us cookies and did not give us Thin Mints®.
DAYEINU
If first God had given us Mickey Mouse and not the theme park to go experience Mickey, Donald, and every Disney princess we’ve ever dreamt of.
DAYEINU
If first God had given us comedy and did not give us SNL.
DAYEINU
If God had given us reality TV and not given us the Kardashians.
DAYEINU
If God had given us a one-stop shop for all of our grocery needs and did not give us Trader Joe’s.
DAYEINU
If God had given us Skype and did not give us FaceTime
DAYEINU
If God had given Myspace and did not give us Facebook, THEN given us Instagram.
DAYEINU
If God had given light and did not give us electricity.
DAYEINU
If God parted the Red Sea and did not give us boats.
DAYEINU
If God created animals and did not give us pets to dress up for Halloween.
DAYEINU
If God had given us the moon and the stars, and did not give NASA.
DAYEINU
If God had given us beans, and did not give us coffee.
DAYEINU
If God had given us vegetables, and did not give us French fries.
DAYEINU
If God had given us jobs, and did not give us vacation days.
DAYEINU
 
Modern day plagues (also good conversation points to spice up the Seder)

• World-wide Wifi outage
• Being ghosted
• Running out of gas on the highway
• Binge-watching
• The only thing on TV is bad reality TV
• The only dessert available in the world is black licorice
• Phone losing battery while out and about
• Costco runs out of samples
• The ground turns into trampolines
• Amazon Prime takes a week to deliver
• Netflix goes back to only offering mailed DVDs
• The ISJL dissembles and you have to create a curriculum for yourself
• All of your digital clocks turn to analogue
• You perpetually have Cheetos® dust on your fingers, and every time you reach for a napkin it moves away from you
• Stepping on a LEGO® while barefoot
• The “cloud” crashes and you have to resort back to floppy disks (5.25”, of course)
• Your favorite celebrity couple gets divorced

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